According to industry sources, Val Kilmer is planning to accuse a Wisconsin tyre re-groover named Ned of having impersonated him in just about every film he has allegedly made since The Doors, as well as a bogus marriage to Joanne Whalley-Kilmer. What does seem certain, is that if Ford’s legal action proves successful, a number of other Hollywood stars are likely to follow his example and take action against the evil lookalikes who have been dogging their careers for years. “I don’t know if his name was Bob, but he sure as hell could pack meat,” observes prostitute Candy Nugg, who once thought that she had provided Harrison Ford with personal services, but is now not so certain. “Who does this guy think he is, stealing my identity so he can visit tittie bars with impunity?” Witnesses to Ford/Bob’s activities remain mystified as to the real identity of the nudie show enthusiast. “Thanks to that bastard, my wife is threatening to divorce me after seeing newspaper pictures of someone looking like me hanging out in strip joints,” he rages. However, meat-packer Bob Blowstick of Hoboken has launched a counter-claim against Harrison Ford, accusing him of defamation.
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“As if I’d make crap like that – even I’ve got standards! He’ll be hearing from my lawyers!” Ford apparently hopes to obtain a court order forcing ‘Bob’ to have compulsory plastic surgery. “He’s like some kind of evil doppelganger – forever undermining my reputation,” says Ford, who claims that not only has ‘Bob’ been impersonating him in strip clubs and brothels all over New York State, but also starred in several unsuccessful movies attributed to Ford, including K-19, Regarding Henry and What Lies Beneath. Indeed, according to the sixtysomething swinger, the real culprit has been a New Jersey meat-packer named Bob, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Ford. Indiana Jones actor Harrison Ford has been quick to deny reports that he has recently been spotted in a number of sleazy New York strip clubs, ogling the performers and shoving ten dollar bills down the cracks of their arses.